Let’s see: we have a runoff defined by out-and-out racism, legislators who pass laws that would eliminate a tax break no one understands, and a school board so opposed to a development deal they’ll cost themselves $460,000 in revenue. And that’s just DeKalb County. The summer heat has brought the crazy elsewhere, such as the runoff for Georgia House District 3, made vacant by the resignation of Governor Lynn Westmoreland. Drew Ferguson and Mike Crane have been locked in an increasingly nasty runoff, to which Ferguson spokesman Dan McLagan has brought some obscure, but necessary comic relief, to wit, a press release from 2020:
Ferrari Chooses Guadalajara over Newnan, GA for New Auto Plant *
Crane Breathes Sigh of Relief
For Satirical Release – July 19, 2020 Contact Dan McLagan – 678-429-8524
NEWNAN, GA – Ferrari S.p.A. today announced that it had chosen Guadalajara, Mexico as the site for it’s new automotive plant, snubbing Newnan, GA for the 27,000 high-skill, high-pay jobs that are slated to be permanently created by the company.
Ferrari cited lower taxes and a partnership with the state of Jalisco (of which Guadalajara is the Capitol and largest city), Mexico to train workers for the new jobs as the deciding factors for the location decision.
“We had hoped to come to Georgia because of the lower instances of kidnapping for profit, less drug gang activity and the availability of potable drinking water,” said Ferrari spokesman Guisippi Renaldi. “We were left with no real option though after the adoption by Georgia of the so-called ‘Crane Doctrine.’”
Renaldi was, of course, referring to the practice of refusing to negotiate with large corporate investment partners over taxes on construction and startup as well as with efforts previously championed by the state to create workforce development programs to refine the skills of potential employees.”
“We really dodged a bullet with this one,” said Mike Crane, author of the controversial doctrine. “We could have lost millions in revenue we never would have had if this entrepreneurial scheme had been successful. That’s nonexistent tax revenue that the legislature would have been unable to hypothetically waste on itself.”
“Accommodating all of that pesky economic growth would also have brought in far too much income to average citizens who – let’s face it – are incapable of making wise spending decisions like those they would have faced,” Crane continued. “Georgians are better off with low-paying jobs and the motivation that only a truly uncertain future can provide.”
“This is the kind of economic bonanza disaster that libruls like Drew Ferguson and the establishment elite would support,” Crane concluded.
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* This press release is satirical in nature. None of it is true except as a reasonable approximation of Mike Crane’s hatred of tax cuts to create job growth. And we may have spelled “Guadalajara” incorrectly. No one around here really knows.
For an example of Crane’s frequent criticism of job creation, click here.