Compromise Reached: State To Take Over Chattanooga Airport

After marathon talks over the weekend, state and local leaders have reached a compromise that should send the airport takeover bill to Governor Brian Kemp for his signature. Georgia will continue to leave Hartsfield Jackson airport in the hands of the city of Atlanta, but will instead move the Camak Stone to assert a new Georgia-Tennessee boundary in order to claim the Chattanooga airport.

The actual boundary of Georgia and Tennessee has been in dispute for centuries, after a surveyor, likely drunk and afraid of native tribes and/or Vol’s fans, placed the definitive Camak Stone short of the actual boundary. Legislators believe that the airport is sufficient repayment for Tennessee’s centuries use of stolen water.

“We look forward to our oversight of the newly renamed “Chattanooga-Chickamauga international airport” said Senator Jeff Mullis (R-Chickamauga) of the compromise. “When passengers land at the new Jeff Mullis terminal, we want them to feel the hospitality of the ‘Land of Great Senator’. It also gives Senator Burt Jones an airport, which is important, because…well, Senator Jones wants an airport.”

When reached for comment, Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms said, “About damn time! Let the state move on from this foolishness. It’s like they don’t even know we have serious problems here, like celebrating 25 year anniversaries of potholes or responding to FBI subpoenas.”

Tennessee Governor Bill Lee was surprisingly circumspect about the maneuver. “We stole Jeremy Pruitt from Georgia, and all they want to steal back is an airport?….” It was hard to hear the remainder of Governor Lee’s quote as he was drowned out by hysterical laughter and the chorus of Rocky Top. We felt it best not to remind the Governor that UGA sent Pruitt back to Bama in 2016, lest it draw Georgia into yet another tri-state dispute.